More or Less Bryan's: January 2011

Judd Isaac Bryan

came into the world on

January 3, 2011

8:15am

He weighed 6 lbs 15.5oz and was 20 inches long

He came into our family

January 5, 2011

at approximately

6:00pm

Judd three days old, the evening we got to bring him home.

Three days old with a very special quilt made by his wonderful and loving birth mother.

I want to record some of Judd's beginning and although this is the condensed "public" version, don't expect it to be short. There are so many wonderful things that Judd has already blessed our family with, I know I will already forget to include some. But here is our happy story.

We were picked by a wonderful birth mother in October. Because of where we have been in the past, we chose not to tell anyone of this exciting news. We were guarding our hearts. We had corresponded with her and the birth father since then. We got to know them better and have come to love and respect them. We made a trip out to San Diego to visit her over the Thanksgiving weekend. We drove to Vegas and spent Thanksgiving with Tommy's family, at which point we told them about a baby we were hoping to adopt in January. On Black Friday, we drive to San Diego and Saturday met with our birth mom, Morgan, and her aunt (whom she was living with). It was a great but short visit. We all met with the case worker and then went to breakfast. After breakfast we talked and then went to the ultrasound to find out the sex... a BOY! Morgan always knew it was a boy - which I think was pretty darn impressive :)

As soon as the ultrasound was done, we got in our car and drove back to Vegas. It was difficult to leave, especially so abruptly, but we had a long drive ahead of us.

In December, we made a special trip to Kansas City to visit our birth father, Josh, and Morgan's parents. (On a side note, I really liked Kansas City! It is such a family friendly city and we even had time to go to Liberty Jail... awesome!) We were only in Kansas City for one full day, we got in Friday night and left Sunday morning but really it felt much longer than that. We spent some time with Josh and got to know him better and formed a relationship with him. We also spent several hours with Morgan's parents, talking about us and answering each other's questions. It was not scary as some might think, but actually was a very comforting visit.

As time passed we got more excited (and definitely more nervous) for Morgan's due date to arrive. She was due January 16 and my plan was to drive to Vegas with Graham on January 14th and wait until we heard she was in labor. I knew she was planning on having a natural childbirth and was not going to be induced, so I figured she was going to be late...

Then, I get a phone call January 3 at 8:00 in the morning, it was Tommy I had just gotten out of bed to get ready to take Graham to school. He said that Josh just called him. My heart sank... I had trained myself to think the worst, so I assumed he was calling to say he had changed his mind about the adoption. Boy was I wrong! He was calling to say that Morgan was in labor and he was driving to San Diego already. Well, my heart started beating again, and HARD! Tommy began looking for airline tickets for me and I called Morgan to find out her status. I didn't get a hold of her (she was a little busy at the time lol) but after I left a message, her aunt called. She notified me that her water had already broken and that they were headed to the hospital anytime. My pounding heart affected my brain... as I packed I couldn't stay focused. I was thinking of everything we needed for the amount of time we were going to be in California. I had assumed we would be there at least two weeks and possibly more. As I packed I encountered a small problem... it was laundry day and most of our clothes were dirty AND I had no time to wash and dry them all. Easy solution, I stuffed everything in a garbage bag and decided we would figure it out in San Diego. That morning I would rush from room to room trying to pack for the baby, Graham, Tommy and myself and doing it very poorly. I was supposed to watch my niece and nephew that morning... I had to call and cancel. I needed a pack-n-play... I had to call and find one. I had to cancel our milk delivery for a few weeks... where was the schedule? My brain was going a hundred miles a minute and my body wasn't keeping up. My sister in law brought her pack and play over and began helping pack. She was such a great help!

Tommy came home from work around 9:30 and helped me finish packing. I asked if he would give me a blessing. I was going to San Diego alone and was apprehensive. He gave me a sweet blessing of reassurance, he blessed me to be able to enjoy this exciting moment, he blessed me with peace and calm in my heart. I am so grateful Tommy has the priesthood because I NEEDED that! Tommy and Graham got into the car around 10am and headed off to Vegas. I finished a few things at home and drove to my parent's home. I brought our dogs (yes, dogs, plural. We adopted a dog for Christmas...are we crazy or what?! lol It has turned out to be really great though, Graham has a new little friend to play with and doesn't feel so neglected) over too. We left for the airport almost immediately because I had a few errands to run on the way. As my dad got in the car, he asked if he could tell Grandma what was going on.

Let me give you a little background on my grandma real quick... She has had cancer for the last few years, and this last year the doctors said they weren't going to "fight" it anymore. She was slowly deterriorating until about November then everything went south very quickly. About a week before Christmas she went on 24 hour care and the doctor said that her body was shutting down. The cancer had entered her bones and she was going to pass whenever she was ready. The week after Christmas she could no longer swallow, talk, or walk and had chosen not to have a feeding tube. None of my extended family knew Morgan had chosen our family to raise her baby... heck, we had just told my immediate family on New Year's Eve. I had felt very strongly Sunday evening that the next day (January 3) I would call Grandma and tell her the good news, that we were going to adopt a little baby boy in two weeks. I figured it would lift her a little, and if Morgan or Josh changed their minds in two weeks, Grandma wouldn't know.

Yes! I told my dad. I knew I wouldn't have a second to call. I would be in a plane, or a taxi, or a hospital. I had a priority, and that was Morgan and Judd (who at the time was "baby"), and selfish or not, I could not focus on calling my grandma.

My dad and I drove to LDS Family Services first... see, we had some last minute paperwork that had to be done prior to the adoption. Luckily, we remembered we had it and Tommy signed it before he drove off. As we pull into the LDSFS parking lot, we see it is completely empty... we call the number and guess what? They are closed for the Holiday (since New Year's Day was on a Saturday, they got Monday off). We are blessed that our caseworker is in our ward, and so are my parents. My dad said after he dropped me off at the airport he would drop off the documents.

I got to the airport and waited about an hour before boarding. The flight was quick and I even got to sit in the bulkhead, it was definitely my lucky day! Once I got off the plane in San Diego, I grabbed my backpack (which is all I took with me, I figured Tommy was going to be there in a 12 hours) and headed toward the cabs. I got into the cab and told him I needed to go to the Sharp Mary Birch Hospital. I figured that he would know were it was... I mean it is a hospital... and he is a cab driver. But no, he didn't know. The language barrier didn't help matters either! I was a little flustered... I wanted to be at the hospital NOW and I am sitting in a cab, watching the dollar signs go up and we ar egoing nowhere. He called someone and in the meantime, I called Morgan to get more info on the hospital. 20 minutes and $45 dollars later, we arrived.

I took a deep breath and walked in. I checked in downstairs and then made my way up to Morgan's room. I got a little nervous as I approached her door. I quietly knocked, and was told to come in. I saw Morgan's mom at the foot of the bed holding "baby" and Morgan in bed. I went over and embraced Morgan. It was so good to see her, and she looked fabulous! You would never guess she just had a baby! I also gave her mother a hug.

They asked how I was, and I replied that it had been a very emotional morning, as I am sure it was for them too. I was told to put down my back pack, and directly I was handed this sweet little boy. I held him for some time before the nurse came in to check on him and Morgan. I left the room to give them some privacy. I went to the waiting room. I was there for about 2-2.5 hours before I was invited back in the room. Morgan had been staying with a family from church the last few months of her pregnancy, and they came by that night with dinner... which was so nice because I hadn't eaten all day! They were such an amazing family and I am glad I got to meet them. A little bit later Morgan's aunt came by, and I ended up going home with her and spending the night in her spare room.

I must say, Morgan and her family are some of the most extraordinary people I know. They had been so welcoming of us and treating us like long lost friends... but that is actually how it felt.

Her aunt and myself talked for several hours that night, it was nice to get her perspective on things and it was nice to voice my perspective. It was so comfortable talking to her and I was so comforted by talking with her.

That night I was supposed to get some good rest.... yeah right! It was a good thing I packed a few books. I would read until I was dozing off and then start reading again when I woke up 30 minutes or an hour later. I figured that I got about 3-4hours of restless sleep that night.

The next day we got to the hospital around 9am, and were met by Tommy and Graham. I was so excited to see them! I had been very worried about them traveling in the bad weather in Colorado and being tired. The last thing I needed was something bad to happen to them! But they were there, and safe. Morgan's aunt went up and we stayed back for a little bit. It was at that point that Tommy took me outside and told me that my grandma had passed the previous night. I cried some near silent tears as Tommy embraced me. I gave myself a few minutes and then gained my composure, I had to be happy for Morgan. I didn't want her to think my saddness for losing my grandmother had anything to do with her, so I buried it.

We went to check in as visitors and the guy looked at us inquisitively. He asked if Tommy was the husband, and Graham was the brother, and I was the....??? Tommy and I looked at each other like "How do we explain this?" I said that we are the adoptive family to a baby that was born the previous day... So technically we would be the parents, and Graham would be the brother. I was actually I little timid saying that... because nothing was final. The man said he needed to go ask someone what to do. He came back and treated us as the family. Graham got a sticker that said "Big Brother" (he would not have been able to go up if he was not "related" to the infant because of hospital rules), he was very excited about that.

We all went up, and Tommy and Graham got to see "the baby" for the first time. All of us being in the room was a little crazy though, so Tommy and I took turns staying with Graham in the waiting room (while he played with toys and watched Spongebob) while the other was in with Morgan and baby. It was that day (Tuesday the 4th) that I announced that we were planning on naming him Judd Isaac. Judd was a name that Tommy had picked, it is not only a name that he likes but also is the name of a man he looked up to growing up. Morgan's aunt asked if I knew what Judd meant, which I did not. She looked it up and said that is it a form of Jude and means "thanks"... we got a little teary eyed when we heard that. His name was perfect! Isaac was the name that Morgan and Josh had chosen, from the bible story because this adoption was going to be a great sacrifice on the part of our birth parents. So his name sake means "Thanks" and "Sacrifice" (eventhough Isaac means "to laugh", to us it mean the prior). Morgan's caseworker came that afternoon and talked about how the placement would go the next day. We said goodbye around 4pm and left the hospital.

Leaving the hospital was hard! We had been here before... saying goodbye to our birth mom the night before placement, thinking and hoping the next day we would have a new addition to our family. The only problem was that the last time it didn't go through, it was a little like deja vue. Although, we did feel more confident this time around, and Morgan was much more prepared, we were still uneasy.

Wednesday morning arrived... we wasted time running errands, going to breakfast and packing up the house. We were told to be at the agency (where all the paperwork would be done) around 2pm... What a roller coaster of a day that was! I have a little perspective on the second coming now... because I understand what "Great and Dreadful" mean. In the end it was great to have Judd, and dreadful to watch Morgan and Josh silently walk out of the room.

Those few hours we spent at LDS Family Services with Morgan and her family, and Josh and his family are engraved in my mind forever. Judd has the most amazing birth parents, and we have acquired the most amazing friends. We are eternally grateful for their sacrifice, for them loving Judd so much as to want to give him more than they knew they could.

Judd is an amazing little guy, so sweet and loving. He is loved by so many people and some who haven't even met him! We are a very lucky family. The trials we go through in life are meant to bring us closer to our Father in Heaven, and to strengthen our testimony in Jesus and His Atoning sacrifice for us; while my faith is not perfect, it has been strengthened. I know that Heavenly Father knows me, knows what I can and cannot do, and he loves me so much. The last 5 years have been a struggle but I have received so many blessings during that struggle... and the greatest blessing has been Judd. He is the icing on my cake!

Since we were in California, we had to get clearance to leave the state and clearance to enter Colorado. We had found out that my grandmother's funeral was going to be on Saturday, just 2.5 days (and an 11 hour drive) away. We were so blessed because we got clearance to leave California on Wednesday. Because we were leaving so abruptly (we thought we would be in San Diego for at least two weeks) we asked if Josh and his family would like to go to breakfast Thursday morning; they said yes. We met at their hotel and were told that Morgan was going to meet us. I was so excited to see her, but very nervous for her sake... would she be okay to see Judd? Let me just say, breakfast was outstanding... and I don't mean the food (although that was delicious too). Seeing both our birth parents and their families again was so nice. I remember thinking as Morgan left the room Wednesday night after she placed Judd in my arms, "You don't have to go... Stay!" I didn't know when or if I would see her again... and here we were the very next morning together. We had a very enjoyable time before leaving San Diego on our way to Vegas.

We got into Vegas about 5pm Thursday evening and had dinner with all of Tommy's family. It was really nice to introduce them to Judd and share this wonderful experience with them. Friday afternoon we drove to Salt Lake (and received clearance from Colorado to come home, yeah!) and we attended the funeral Saturday afternoon. Having Judd there was a tender mercy for me, I just couldn't be sad. He also made the plan of salvation all the more real to me. My mom kept saying they were praying that Heavenly Father would give a life for a life, and that is just what he did. I didn't take many pictures at the funeral, because it wasn't about Judd it was about my wonderful grandma... but I did get one of my grandpa holding him. As we were leaving Sunday morning he said that Judd needed to stay with him because he needed a companion, it was very tender.

Needless to say, it was probably the most emotional and crazy week of my life, but also one of the most wonderful. Adoption is a remarkable blessing for all involved. Morgan's mother, at one point, told me "thank you" ... I felt so undeserving of thanks, I just wanted to give it. But it was a Win/Win situation for all involved.