4 Short Weeks

3 days old

I didn't realize he wore the same sleeper week 3 & 4 until I posted this... It barely fits him now!

Plus 1, FINALLY!

 Judd Isaac Bryan

came into the world on

January 3, 2011

at

8:15am

He weighed 6 lbs 15.5oz and was 20 inches long

He came into our family

January 5, 2011

at approximately

6:00pm

 Judd three days old, the evening we got to bring him home.

Three days old with a very special quilt made by his wonderful and loving birth mother.

I want to record some of Judd's beginning and although this is the condensed "public" version, don't expect it to be short.  There are so many wonderful things that Judd has already blessed our family with, I know I will already forget to include some.  But here is our happy story.

We were picked by a wonderful birth mother in October.  Because of where we have been in the past, we chose not to tell anyone of this exciting news.  We were guarding our hearts.  We had corresponded with her and the birth father since then.  We got to know them better and have come to love and respect them.  We made a trip out to San Diego to visit her over the Thanksgiving weekend.  We drove to Vegas and spent Thanksgiving with Tommy's family, at which point we told them about a baby we were hoping to adopt in January.  On Black Friday, we drive to San Diego and Saturday met with our birth mom, Morgan, and her aunt (whom she was living with).  It was a great but short visit.  We all met with the case worker and then went to breakfast.  After breakfast we talked and then went to the ultrasound to find out the sex... a BOY!  Morgan always knew it was a boy - which I think was pretty darn impressive :)

As soon as the ultrasound was done, we got in our car and drove back to Vegas.  It was difficult to leave, especially so abruptly, but we had a long drive ahead of us.

In December, we made a special trip to Kansas City to visit our birth father, Josh, and Morgan's parents.  (On a side note, I really liked Kansas City!  It is such a family friendly city and we even had time to go to Liberty Jail... awesome!)  We were only in Kansas City for one full day, we got in Friday night and left Sunday morning but really it felt much longer than that.  We spent some time with Josh and got to know him better and formed a relationship with him.  We also spent several hours with Morgan's parents, talking about us and answering each other's questions.  It was not scary as some might think, but actually was a very comforting visit.

As time passed we got more excited (and definitely more nervous) for Morgan's due date to arrive.  She was due January 16 and my plan was to drive to Vegas with Graham on January 14th and wait until we heard she was in labor.  I knew she was planning on having a natural childbirth and was not going to be induced, so I figured she was going to be late...

Then, I get a phone call January 3 at 8:00 in the morning, it was Tommy  I had just gotten out of bed to get ready to take Graham to school.  He said that Josh just called him.  My heart sank... I had trained myself to think the worst, so I assumed he was calling to say he had changed his mind about the adoption.  Boy was I wrong!  He was calling to say that Morgan was in labor and he was driving to San Diego already.  Well, my heart started beating again, and HARD!  Tommy began looking for airline tickets for me and I called Morgan to find out her status.  I didn't get a hold of her (she was a little busy at the time lol) but after I left a message, her aunt called.  She notified me that her water had already broken and that they were headed to the hospital anytime.  My pounding heart affected my brain... as I packed I couldn't stay focused.  I was thinking of everything we needed for the amount of time we were going to be in California.  I had assumed we would be there at least two weeks and possibly more.  As I packed I encountered a small problem... it was laundry day and most of our clothes were dirty AND I had no time to wash and dry them all.  Easy solution, I stuffed everything in a garbage bag and decided we would figure it out in San Diego.  That morning I would rush from room to room trying to pack for the baby, Graham, Tommy and myself and doing it very poorly.  I was supposed to watch my niece and nephew that morning... I had to call and cancel.  I needed a pack-n-play... I had to call and find one.  I had to cancel our milk delivery for a few weeks... where was the schedule?  My brain was going a hundred miles a minute and my body wasn't keeping up.  My sister in law brought her pack and play over and began helping pack.  She was such a great help! 

Tommy came home from work around 9:30 and helped me finish packing.  I asked if he would give me a blessing.  I was going to San Diego alone and was apprehensive.  He gave me a sweet blessing of reassurance, he blessed me to be able to enjoy this exciting moment, he blessed me with peace and calm in my heart.  I am so grateful Tommy has the priesthood because I NEEDED that!  Tommy and Graham got into the car around 10am and headed off to Vegas.  I finished a few things at home and drove to my parent's home.  I brought our dogs (yes, dogs, plural.  We adopted a dog for Christmas...are we crazy or what?! lol  It has turned out to be really great though, Graham has a new little friend to play with and doesn't feel so neglected) over too.  We left for the airport almost immediately because I had a few errands to run on the way.  As my dad got in the car, he asked if he could tell Grandma what was going on. 

Let me give you a little background on my grandma real quick... She has had cancer for the last few years, and this last year the doctors said they weren't going to "fight" it anymore.  She was slowly deterriorating until about November then everything went south very quickly.  About a week before Christmas she went on 24 hour care and the doctor said that her body was shutting down.  The cancer had entered her bones and she was going to pass whenever she was ready.  The week after Christmas she could no longer swallow, talk, or walk and had chosen not to have a feeding tube.  None of my extended family knew Morgan had chosen our family to raise her baby... heck, we had just told my immediate family on New Year's Eve.  I had felt very strongly Sunday evening that the next day (January 3) I would call Grandma and tell her the good news, that we were going to adopt a little baby boy in two weeks.  I figured it would lift her a little, and if Morgan or Josh changed their minds in two weeks, Grandma wouldn't know.

Yes!  I told my dad.  I knew I wouldn't have a second to call.  I would be in a plane, or a taxi, or a hospital.  I had a priority, and that was Morgan and Judd (who at the time was "baby"), and selfish or not, I could not focus on calling my grandma.

My dad and I drove to LDS Family Services first... see, we had some last minute paperwork that had to be done prior to the adoption.  Luckily, we remembered we had it and Tommy signed it before he drove off.  As we pull into the LDSFS parking lot, we see it is completely empty... we call the number and guess what?  They are closed for the Holiday (since New Year's Day was on a Saturday, they got Monday off).  We are blessed that our caseworker is in our ward, and so are my parents.  My dad said after he dropped me off at the airport he would drop off the documents.

I got to the airport and waited about an hour before boarding.  The flight was quick and I even got to sit in the bulkhead, it was definitely my lucky day!  Once I got off the plane in San Diego, I grabbed my backpack (which is all I took with me, I figured Tommy was going to be there in a 12 hours) and headed toward the cabs.  I got into the cab and told him I needed to go to the Sharp Mary Birch Hospital.  I figured that he would know were it was... I mean it is a hospital... and he is a cab driver.  But no, he didn't know.  The language barrier didn't help matters either!  I was a little flustered... I wanted to be at the hospital NOW and I am sitting in a cab, watching the dollar signs go up and we ar egoing nowhere.  He called someone and in the meantime, I called Morgan to get more info on the hospital.  20 minutes and $45 dollars later, we arrived. 

I took a deep breath and walked in.  I checked in downstairs and then made my way up to Morgan's room.  I got a little nervous as I approached her door.  I quietly knocked, and was told to come in.  I saw Morgan's mom at the foot of the bed holding "baby" and Morgan in bed.  I went over and embraced Morgan.  It was so good to see her, and she looked fabulous!  You would never guess she just had a baby!  I also gave her mother a hug. 

They asked how I was, and I replied that it had been a very emotional morning, as I am sure it was for them too.  I was told to put down my back pack, and directly I was handed this sweet little boy.  I held him for some time before the nurse came in to check on him and Morgan.  I left the room to give them some privacy.  I went to the waiting room.  I was there for about 2-2.5 hours before I was invited back in the room.  Morgan had been staying with a family from church the last few months of her pregnancy, and they came by that night with dinner... which was so nice because I hadn't eaten all day!  They were such an amazing family and I am glad I got to meet them.  A little bit later Morgan's aunt came by, and I ended up going home with her and spending the night in her spare room. 

I must say, Morgan and her family are some of the most extraordinary people I know.  They had been so welcoming of us and treating us like long lost friends... but that is actually how it felt.

Her aunt and myself talked for several hours that night, it was nice to get her perspective on things and it was nice to voice my perspective.  It was so comfortable talking to her and I was so comforted by talking with her. 

That night I was supposed to get some good rest.... yeah right!  It was a good thing I packed a few books.  I would read until I was dozing off and then start reading again when I woke up 30 minutes or an hour later.  I figured that I got about 3-4hours of restless sleep that night. 

The next day we got to the hospital around 9am, and were met by Tommy and Graham.  I was so excited to see them!  I had been very worried about them traveling in the bad weather in Colorado and being tired.  The last thing I needed was something bad to happen to them!  But they were there, and safe.  Morgan's aunt went up and we stayed back for a little bit.  It was at that point that Tommy took me outside and told me that my grandma had passed the previous night.  I cried some near silent tears as Tommy embraced me.  I gave myself a few minutes and then gained my composure, I had to be happy for Morgan.  I didn't want her to think my saddness for losing my grandmother had anything to do with her, so I buried it.

We went to check in as visitors and the guy looked at us inquisitively.  He asked if Tommy was the husband, and Graham was the brother, and I was the....???  Tommy and I looked at each other like "How do we explain this?"  I said that we are the adoptive family to a baby that was born the previous day... So technically we would be the parents, and Graham would be the brother.  I was actually I little timid saying that... because nothing was final.  The man said he needed to go ask someone what to do.  He came back and treated us as the family.  Graham got a sticker that said "Big Brother" (he would not have been able to go up if he was not "related" to the infant because of hospital rules), he was very excited about that.

We all went up, and Tommy and Graham got to see "the baby" for the first time.  All of us being in the room was a little crazy though, so Tommy and I took turns staying with Graham in the waiting room (while he played with toys and watched Spongebob) while the other was in with Morgan and baby.  It was that day (Tuesday the 4th) that I announced that we were planning on naming him Judd Isaac.  Judd was a name that Tommy had picked, it is not only a name that he likes but also is the name of a man he looked up to growing up.  Morgan's aunt asked if I knew what Judd meant, which I did not.  She looked it up and said that is it a form of Jude and means "thanks"... we got a little teary eyed when we heard that.  His name was perfect!  Isaac was the name that Morgan and Josh had chosen, from the bible story because this adoption was going to be a great sacrifice on the part of our birth parents.  So his name sake means "Thanks" and "Sacrifice" (eventhough Isaac means "to laugh", to us it mean the prior).  Morgan's caseworker came that afternoon and talked about how the placement would go the next day.  We said goodbye around 4pm and left the hospital.

Leaving the hospital was hard!  We had been here before... saying goodbye to our birth mom the night before placement, thinking and hoping the next day we would have a new addition to our family.  The only problem was that the last time it didn't go through, it was a little like deja vue.  Although, we did feel more confident this time around, and Morgan was much more prepared, we were still uneasy.

Wednesday morning arrived... we wasted time running errands, going to breakfast and packing up the house.  We were told to be at the agency (where all the paperwork would be done) around 2pm... What a roller coaster of a day that was!  I have a little perspective on the second coming now... because I understand what "Great and Dreadful" mean.  In the end it was great to have Judd, and dreadful to watch Morgan and Josh silently walk out of the room. 

Those few hours we spent at LDS Family Services with Morgan and her family, and Josh and his family are engraved in my mind forever.  Judd has the most amazing birth parents, and we have acquired the most amazing friends.  We are eternally grateful for their sacrifice, for them loving Judd so much as to want to give him more than they knew they could.

Judd is an amazing little guy, so sweet and loving.  He is loved by so many people and some who haven't even met him!  We are a very lucky family.  The trials we go through in life are meant to bring us closer to our Father in Heaven, and to strengthen our testimony in Jesus and His Atoning sacrifice for us; while my faith is not perfect, it has been strengthened.  I know that Heavenly Father knows me, knows what I can and cannot do, and he loves me so much.  The last 5 years have been a struggle but I have received so many blessings during that struggle... and the greatest blessing has been Judd.  He is the icing on my cake!

Since we were in California, we had to get clearance to leave the state and clearance to enter Colorado.  We had found out that my grandmother's funeral was going to be on Saturday, just 2.5 days (and an 11 hour drive) away.  We were so blessed because we got clearance to leave California on Wednesday.  Because we were leaving so abruptly (we thought we would be in San Diego for at least two weeks) we asked if Josh and his family would like to go to breakfast Thursday morning; they said yes.  We met at their hotel and were told that Morgan was going to meet us.  I was so excited to see her, but very nervous for her sake... would she be okay to see Judd?  Let me just say, breakfast was outstanding... and I don't mean the food (although that was delicious too).  Seeing both our birth parents and their families again was so nice.  I remember thinking as Morgan left the room Wednesday night after she placed Judd in my arms, "You don't have to go... Stay!"  I didn't know when or if I would see her again... and here we were the very next morning together.  We had a very enjoyable time before leaving San Diego on our way to Vegas.

We got into Vegas about 5pm Thursday evening and had dinner with all of Tommy's family.  It was really nice to introduce them to Judd and share this wonderful experience with them.  Friday afternoon we drove to Salt Lake (and received clearance from Colorado to come home, yeah!) and we attended the funeral Saturday afternoon.  Having Judd there was a tender mercy for me, I just couldn't be sad.  He also made the plan of salvation all the more real to me.  My mom kept saying they were praying that Heavenly Father would give a life for a life, and that is just what he did.  I didn't take many pictures at the funeral, because it wasn't about Judd it was about my wonderful grandma... but I did get one of my grandpa holding him.  As we were leaving Sunday morning he said that Judd needed to stay with him because he needed a companion, it was very tender.

Needless to say, it was probably the most emotional and crazy week of my life, but also one of the most wonderful.  Adoption is a remarkable blessing for all involved.  Morgan's mother, at one point, told me "thank you" ... I felt so undeserving of thanks, I just wanted to give it.  But it was a Win/Win situation for all involved.

I had to take a picture of his skinny little legs poking out of his (0-3m) onesie.  4days old



Five days old.  At Aunt Lynn's house before driving to SLC.  One of my favorite pictures!



Aunt Lynn holding Judd



Another picture I couldn't pass up!  His skinny naked body!!



Papa and Nana holding him for the first time

(Great) Grandma LaVee with Graham and Judd



Tommy, Judd and Grandma LaVee



Nana holding Judd.  She was so excited to add another grandbaby to the family! 



(Great) Grandpa holding Judd before driving home.



Happy Halloween

So, I was blog happy tonight... It's about time, I know, I know!  But I figured I should at least say Happy Halloween before the day is done.
I tend to have a love/hate relationship with Halloween... not sure why but I do.  It could be that my mom really dislikes it (almost to the point of hatred).  I was about 10 when trick or treating was banned from our house, instead my mom would buy us one big bag of candy - of our choice - and we would watch a movie (turn off all the lights and not answer the door... yes... we were THAT house).  It was not my favorite way to spend Halloween as a child, but what are you gonna do?  But I find myself not really liking Halloween but for completely different reasons.

1.  Graham really wants to go trick or treating BUT hates dressing up.  It is a FIGHT every year!!  We tell him if he wants candy, he has to dress up... So he does.  But there are tears ever year.  I am close to calling it quits!  I think he is embarrassed dressing up, like he thinks he looks foolish or something (he is too young to be feeling that way!!  That comes later in life haha).  Once he sees other kids dressed up, he is good to go - but getting to that point... I almost lose it!

2.  Graham and I love sweets and have NO self control.  It is a fight to keep his hands out of the candy jar so I hide it.  The only problem is that I know where it is "hidden", so I end up eating it!  Ahh!  Just say no!  Just say no!!

3.  It is expensive!  The costumes, ridiculous.  The candy, OUTRAGEOUS! 

But we still do it.  I think I go through phases of this love/hate thing I have for Halloween... this year is hate, next year will probably be love (I already have costume ideas... weird, right?).  When Graham was two, it was a "love" year... I made him a cute (and simple!!) Die - the singular of dice - costume.  When he was three: Hate - he wore the die costume from the year before.  Age 4: Love... we grew his hair out and he was Wolverine (Hugh Jackman from the movie not the cartoon blue and yellow one).  This year at age 5... Hate!  He was Wolverine again - except I procrastinated figuring out what he was going to be (because of the hate thing) and his hair was too short, so he got a wig - which was mediocre, he was much cuter when it was his own hair last year... but do I really care?  Not so much :)  Same claws, jacket, and dog tags... new white shirt and pants.  pretty easy.

Also being on Sunday this year, I was less into it.  We kept going back and forth trying to decide if we let him go trick or treating.  We decided not to, and I am really glad.  I mean at church we had a 3-ward trunk or treat and he got plenty of candy there (plus we bought some for kids that came to our house -and have a TON left over).  We told him that Sunday was a special day and we weren't going to go trick or treating BUT he could hand out the candy to the kids that came to our house.  He made sure that we wouldn't be giving out HIS candy and then was totally keen on the idea.  Every time our doorbell would ring tonight (which was only like 10 times) he was so excited!  He would run to the door (still in his church clothes mind you) and hand out candy to the kids dressed up.  I am really glad we made the decision we did (especially because I didn't have to do the "I don't want to wear my costume" meltdown again), and that Graham was still able to enjoy Halloween by handing out candy.  (I don't want to be a complete hag and not hand out candy to the kids in the neighborhood)

So Happy Halloween...


Below are pics from yesterday... you can see his sheer joy and excitement to be dressed up (he almost went as a die again! lol)  Wig is an adult one... so it looks kinda ridiculous, but oh well :)  That means Tommy could be Wolverine too :)

Happy Birthday

Graham's birthday was very low key this year... Since we recently moved, I have not been very motivated to do anything, let alone put a party together.  Luckily, Graham didn't mind at all.  Maybe next year we will do a party :)

We invited my family over and had cake and ice cream, and then did presents.  Graham had been asking all day to open his presents, so he was really excited when everyone arrived!!  He didn't even want cake or ice cream (if you know my child at all, you know that is very strange!!)

I made a snake cake that I copied from my sister-in-law.  I wanted to use fondant like she did but we forgot to go get some... and since his bday was on a sunday, no dice.  But we made do... and Graham loved it.  He even brought down his stuffed snake so I could look at it while I was frosting the cake (hence the white stripes)

Blowing out his candles.... one. at. a. time.

I did two cake flavors: the kids was fun-fetti and the adult's was red velvet (very gruesome, I know lol)

No one wanted the head, which I thought was weird.  I don't think it ever got eaten.

And of coarse Graham got spoiled! He got a big floor puzzle, of who else?  But of coarse Thomas!

How to Train Your Dragon movie- we love it at our house!

And Mavis, the train

He also got Hiccup and Toothless from said movie.  He got nerf guns, and more trains, a CD player (which I am already reporting he has broken the antenna off...), a remote control truck and some clothes.

He was very grateful for everthing he got and shared VERY well with his cousins.

I really can't believe he is already 5.  I know that is totally cliche to say, but it is so true.  He still asks me to carry him (which I do, even though he is almost 50lbs!!), lay with him in bed, he says he "Needs me".  All things that tell me he is still my little guy...However, I know he is growing up. 

The worst part about his birthday was his 5 year old shots.  He went last tuesday and got four.  It was much harder than when he was a baby, because this time he looked at me (while I was pinning him down) with tear filled eyes saying "Stop! You are hurting me"  That is WAY worse than the screams of an infant.  THEN, he was practically crawling for two days because he was in so much pain.  His leg was rock hard, red, and swollen... Poor guy!  I totally bribed him with donuts if he was good (there was a Winchells across the street) and to be honest, he didn't even have to be good - he would get the donut regardless.  It was really just to help him be tough and brave, which he was.  I even had to help him with his pants and underwear when he had to go to the bathroom because just pulling them down hurt his legs too much... I am glad that is over (until he is 11 that is... at least he has several years to "recover"). 

Though I love this kid with all my being, Graham is actually going through a rough stage for me right now.  But I need to remember to enjoy it.  I was talking with a friend the other day and remembering the ease of high school life, but I realized that the challenges I had then, really felt like challenges.  In the future I will look back to now and remember the ease of having one child who was five and wishing I could go back.  I guess our perspective changes once our situations change.  I am trying to enjoy all of the time I get with him because before I know it, he won't be 5 anymore.  I hope that I never look back and wish I would have enjoyed him more.  I love my son so much, I love being a mom.  It is the best blessing I could ever ask for!

Happy Birthday Graham!  I love you!

Big Helper

We have a split rail fence at our house and were needing to put chicken wire up so our beloved Sophie wouldn't crawl under to chase bunnies... and believe me, she would.  Once at my parents house she was in the backyard for much of the day, which she didn't like.... she dug a hole by their gate and crawled under it because she wanted to get out.  I got home and she was wandering around in the front yard.  Another time, she was in her kennel while I was away at work, and she broke it and got out.

So, needless to say, I know it is in her.  We were in the house for a few days before we put up the wire and the front door was open quite a bit while we were moving, and sure enough, we would let her out in the backyard and she would come through the front door.  haha that stinker!

Here is Tommy (above) and my mom (below) hard at work

But the biggest helper of all...

Bob the Builder

Oh wait, that's Graham

He did this all himself!  He came out said he wanted to help and we told him he had to get shoes on.  He comes back out with his snow boots, hard hat and tools.  He gave me and my mom a hard hat to wear as well - safety first!

I love Graham, he makes me laugh and smile every day!!

OCD Much?

I have some, let's call them, "organizational tendencies".  I like things organized and to be in their place.  Well Graham has some wooden train tracks, OK he has A LOT of wooden train tracks and trains.  He used to have a plastic box that was able to house all of them... until Graham and his cousins decided to play inside of it (why is it that kids feel they MUST get into every box??? Doesn't seem like that much fun to me!!).  So right now they are in a file box and they don't fit very well.  SO because of my "organizational tendencies" I sort and stack the tracks based on shape and size so they fit nicely in the box.  It takes much more time but they all fit.  Graham has observed this many times when I help him clean up.

About a month ago, he runs into my room and says "Mom come look what I did"

I come and find this...

He had sorted and stacked his train tracks...

and put them nicely in their box.

The funny thing is that I usually just throw these tracks in the box because there are not many of them.  This was all Graham's doing...

What have I done to my son?

I hope that he does mantain some of my organizational qualities, just not to the point of obsession :)
(he has only done this once, so I am probably in the clear!)

Go Rockies

My brother called on Labor Day and asked if we wanted to go to the Rockies game... His brother in law had gotten 14 free tickets.  We jumped at the opportunity and we got the last three tickets.  It was a beautiful day, with the sun shining - and luckily we were in the shade because it would have been hot otherwise!!

The Rockies we playing the Philies and it was a great game.  The Philies had a couple of big errors that we were able to capitalize on...  It's just too bad they couldn't make the playoffs.  Maybe next year!

Daddy and Graham

 

"CHARGE"

why do we yell "charge" at baseball games? 

My brother and nephew, Isaac.

Isaac wasn't so sure about the cotton candy at first :)

There was a family sitting in front of us that were so nice.  Graham was sitting with Tommy and told him"Your Fired!"

(one of his new favorite things to say) And then and came to sit with me.

The guy in front of us, pulls out a balloon and makes a balloon animal and gives it to Tommy.  He said no dad should hear he is fired, so he was helping him out.  Well, it worked... Graham promptly left my lap to go sit back with his dad and admire his balloon dog.  He continued to make balloons for all the kids around.  He was such a nice man and made our kids day.  I love that there are still people like him in the world today!

All in all, it was a perfect day and perfect game!

I Want to Be Like Dr. Suess, While Wearing a Hat or Riding a Moose

Whenever I read Dr. Seuss books,
     Tommy gives me quizzical looks.

It's all because I start to rhyme,
   After every book
                           EVERY time!

    He rolls his eyes and gives a smile,
Because I rhyme on....  for quite a while.

        "I just can't help myself!" I say
And I continue to rhyme away...
In fact,
        I think I could go on all day!

My dream one day is to write children's stories
    And they'll hit "Best Seller" with all their glories.

I'm sure Dr. Seuss will me, inspire
     And my imagination will catch fire.

    Until that day, I'll continue to read
Dr. Seuss to all my seed.